“What the Hell happened to your face?”

 

This sentence got the attention of all of Yuen’s friends, the ones behind him trying to lean around him to get a look.

 

Jordan and Lee surprised him in the hallway after lunch and dragged him into the bathroom to yell at him (again) about April because their petty tricks before that didn't work.

 

Instead of staying away from her, Iahn had been talking to her even more. It wasn’t his fault that she always initiated conversation or that he didn’t mind answering questions about classwork, or heaven forbid that she talks to someone other than Jordan.

 

After that, Iahn and Jordan got into it and in the heat of the moment, Iahn may have let it slip that Jordan was a “possessive douchebag with issues and stalker-tendencies, and he should tell April to run the other direction if Jordan ever gets up the nerve to tell her he likes her, and he’s also the reason none of the boys will talk to her.”

 

...Yeah. Maybe it wasn’t the best moment to be brutally honest, because then he proceeded to get punched in the jaw by Jordan and kicked in the back by Lee before he managed to punch Jordan in the stomach and made him nearly puke on Iahn; Thankfully, he only got a little on the rubber tip of his shoe.

 

Then while Lee was distracted avoiding his friend’s spew, Iahn ran like Hell before they could gang up on him again and they didn’t bother to chase him.

 

Jordan was sent home “sick” but Lee spent the rest of the day glaring at him so hard that Iahn regretted not punching him in the stomach too, but his heart was beating so hard that his hands were shaking. He’s never gotten into a fight before.

 

He knew it would make Jordan mad, and kind of expected to get tackled or something the moment after the words left his mouth, but he didn’t think Jordan would straight up punch him in the face. (Or that he could hit so hard.)

 

But he couldn’t tell Yuen any of this! He’d call Mr. Min and rat him out in a heartbeat!

 

Iahn had already been terrified all throughout class, that someone was going to notice or that Lee would tell a teacher and they would call his mom. If his mom’s honeymoon were interrupted because he got into a fight at school, it would be the end of him.

 

Iahn did his best, but it seems he was doomed to fail.

 

How was he supposed to hide something on his face? It was a miracle he’d gotten away with hiding it this long, but he’d spent the entire car ride wracking his brains for what to say if Yuen did find out and the best he came up with, was this: “I fell.”

 

Yuen glared at him and Iahn fought not to wince. He was screwed.

 

“Onto what, a metal pole? Did you walk into the door or something?” Yuen scoffed and shook his head as he turned back to the kitchen. He asked a question, but the teenager clearly wasn’t looking for an answer.

 

Iahn stood and could only grow dumbfounded with disbelief as Yuen moved away, not concerned in the slightest that Iahn came home with an injury, and it didn’t even seem to occur to him that he could be lying about how he got it to avoid getting in trouble, even though to Iahn himself his excuse hadn’t sounded very convincing.

 

On one hand, Iahn was relieved that he wasn’t gonna get in trouble, on the other… it left him with an unpleasant feeling.

 

Casey, who stood in the kitchen watching the interaction, saw an opportunity for the brother’s relationship to improve and took it without hesitation. “Yuen, you should help Iahn treat that.”

 

Yuen gave Casey a look. He knows what the oldest is doing. Yuen wasn’t in the mood for this crap today. “It’s just a bruise. He can put some medicine on and slap a band-aid on it, himself.”

 

Iahn didn’t know why he had inexplicably felt upset before, but now he understood. Because Yuen dropped it so easily and his words just now. He didn’t care.

 

He didn’t care if Iahn got hurt, he didn’t care what happened, he didn’t even care enough to tell on him. Iahn’s hands slowly grew cold. He wasn’t panicking anymore; he couldn’t even say for certain if he was upset because it was too familiar. It was too familiar for him to be upset.

 

When he wasn’t being mean to him, Yuen was a lot like his mom in some ways. If Iahn was doing something he didn’t like, he yelled at him. If Iahn wasn’t doing something he didn’t like, he ignored him, and he couldn’t care less about Iahn. The only difference between Yuen and his mom was that Yuen had no obligation to be responsible towards Iahn. Whatever he did, didn’t matter to Yuen and wouldn’t affect his life even if was gone. Iahn’s presence only caused inconveniences and problems for him.

 

He wasn’t surprised, but he should have expected it. He should have expected that. He should have known better than to expect anything from anyone in this house, much less help, but it was hardly his fault. He didn’t even know he had expectations until Yuen mercilessly shattered them with a few casual and reasonable words.

 

The worst part was he couldn’t even blame Yuen. He was right. Iahn could apply medicine and bandages himself. He had no reason to care about why or how he got hurt.

 

Yuen was responsible for him while the adults were gone but beyond that, it wasn’t his responsibility. It wasn’t like Iahn was dying. It was just a bruise, so why should he care?

 

When Yuen turned back to go to the living room, he glanced at Iahn, and instead of seeing a hurt expression as he half-expected, he paused mid-step.

 

There was no hurt expression on Iahn’s face.

 

There was no expression at all.

 

His eyes were on the floor, but he didn’t have his head down like usual. He wasn’t tense like he was when he was scared or anxious; his shoulders were forward in a slouch.

 

His face was blank, and his eyes were distant like his mind was far away, leaving his body here, but nothing like simply zoning out or thinking deeply, he just… checked out.

 

Looking at him made Yuen feel weird and uncomfortable. Anything else he may have wanted to say completely died before it ever reached his tongue, and instead what came out was simple directions, “First aid kits under the bathroom sink upstairs.”

 

Iahn glanced and nodded. Although his eyes looked at Yuen, even Yuen could tell he didn’t really see him.

 

With a stone face, Iahn mechanically went upstairs, and Yuen stood for a minute before going to the living room.

 

Iahn felt weird again, and he was no better at understanding what was happening to himself than he was at describing how he felt.

 

It was the thing that happened sometimes, most often when his mom argued with her past boyfriends in front of him or when he was exceedingly uncomfortable or anxious. Where he felt like he was operating his body from outside of it, and it was left running on autopilot while he was… simultaneously somewhere else but still here.

 

The boys downstairs were quiet for a while, waiting in tense silence for something else to happen but nothing did, and there wasn’t a sound from upstairs.

 

Yuen was all too aware of his friends' disapproving or awkward stares before someone finally decided to break the silence.

 

“That was cold, Yuen.”

 

Yuen’s scowl deepened. He knows.

 

“He’s just a kid.”

 

He knows.

 

“How can you treat your brother like that after he hurt himself? That bruise looked painful.”

 

Yuen finally glared at them with frigid eyes. “He’s not my brother.”

 

Unbeknownst to the high schoolers, Iahn wasn’t upstairs.

 

He stood at the landing between the first half of the stairs and the second.

 

The moisture pooled in his eyes, spilling over the edges like a pot with too much water. His chin trembled as he grabbed the railing and moved up the rest of the stairs at the same unhurried pace as before.

 

He went to his room, not even bothering with the first aid kit, and silently closed the door before going to the closet to climb the shelves.

 

He slipped through the hole in the ceiling and crawled onto the blanket before curling up in the tiny space he had made his own. The only place in this brutal city that felt anything close to home.

 

Iahn curled in on himself so tightly his knees were touching his head and muffled his own cries until he nearly smothered himself. He coughed unable to breathe around the pressure in his throat and his head began to ache like he was too deep underwater. His eyes felt like they were bleeding. His throat felt like a can of shook-up soda, ready to pop, but even when he tried, the tears wouldn’t stop.

 

He knew Yuen didn’t like him. He knew they weren’t related and didn’t expect him or anyone else to treat it like they were. But he had wanted to believe they were — however reluctantly — at least family living under the same roof.

 

Yuen hadn’t treated him badly while their parents were gone, they even “hung out” and had pizza together, but it turns out that was just wishful thinking. A personal delusion because he didn’t want to be alone in this house. Because he didn’t want to admit that he was alone. Stuck as the odd person out in the middle of a jungle called a city with the most unreliable person in his life and two strangers who didn’t like him any more than she did.

 

Being alone was worse than being stuck with someone who didn’t like you and wasn’t afraid of showing it.

 

Hours passed, one agonizing second after the other but no matter how splitting his headache or how covered in snot his sleeves were, he couldn’t stop crying.

 

He misses his grandpa.

 

He misses his friends.

 

He doesn’t want to be in this place anymore.

 

He wants to go home. To his grandpa’s hot chocolate. To the art room where he can paint on the walls until his hands fall off. To the park where he would play freeze tag with his friends until they couldn’t feel their fingers. To the neighbor, Dylan, who lived next door and used to babysit him, and play video games in Dylan’s front room while his mom made cookies and let them eat what little was left in the bowl.

 

Dylan wasn’t like Yuen. He said Iahn was basically his little brother no matter if they were related or not.

 

Dylan and Yuen were nearly the same age and both older brothers. So why are they so different!?

 

Dylan never told him to get lost, even if Iahn was annoying him. He never looked at Iahn like he was a nuisance. He never glared at him like Yuen.

 

Even as Iahn got older Dylan never made fun of him when he cried, and he always made sure Iahn was ok when he got hurt. He always asked what was wrong, and never told him to man up, or stop crying.

 

Iahn didn’t like to cry but Grandpa always told him there was nothing wrong with crying; Pain passes quicker if you let it run its course and focus on the things that make you smile. So that’s what he’s been trying to do, but why wasn’t it working? Why is the pain still there?!

 

Why does everyone here treat him like he shouldn’t be here when he didn’t want to come in the first place!

 

Why!?

 

Iahn clutched his chest, feeling his heart squeeze tighter and tighter until it was overwhelming like it was trying to grow arms and tear itself out of his chest.

 

The physical pain connected to the whirling storm inside, only added to the tears pouring down his cheeks like rapids on a river; crashing over the watery brink of his eyes in wild waterfalls while his own nose and lungs tried to suffocate him.

 

Was it his fault? Did he do something wrong? Is that why everyone in this place hated him or was he just that unlikeable?

---

 

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